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10.26.2005
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ok, fine. for fuck's sake. se7en. VII. 7. seven. siete.
becca, i'm only doing this because i love you. and also to prove to you that yes, i do (in fact) read your new blog and yes, i do think you're Super Awesome. so take that, bitch tits. xoxo.
seven things i want to do before i die:
7. get pretty old but not super "i wear diapers and don't know my name" old.
6. find out that the cure for cancer is aspertame.
5. see my mom have a healthy relationship. with anyone. i don't care who.
4. witness the tragic and entirely accidental death of george w. bush.
3. meet dooce and see if she's as funny in person as she is on paper.
2. make shit loads of money and buy stuff i don't necessarily want or need just because i can.
1. live!
seven things i cannot do:
7. hold a grudge. trust me, i've tried.
6. enjoy doing anything as much as i did the first time.
5. drink tequila.
4. get past page 68 of dfw's 'infinite jest'. what the fuck is wrong with me?
3. update my blog on a regular basis.
2. smell lavender scented crap without getting a serious headache.
1. think of seven things i cannot do.
seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
7. their notable lack of all things vaginal.
6. hands. specifically the kind with opposable thumbs.
5. big, brown eyes that are not adorned with any sort of man make-up.
4. big, brown hair. no wait, just brown hair. easy on the big.
3. their attraction to me.
2. personality (wit, charm, empathy, trust fund, etc.)
1. the way they get all pissed off and protective when someone fucks with their ladyfriend but then stop just shy of acting on their violent urges.
seven things i say most often:
7. oh for fuck's sake.
6. are you fucking kidding me?
5. dude.
4. whatevs.
3. hello?
2. heh.
1. brb.
seven celebrity crushes:
7. brendan benson
6. g. love (shut up!)
5. steve martin
4. jason schwartzman
3. catherine keener
2. john roderick's voice
1. zach braff before he got all hollywoody
seven people i want to do...oh wait, i mean do this:
7. my mom.
6. my grandma.
5. my cousin courtney.
4. ryan*, but only because this seems quite out of character for him.
3. desiree.
2. albert.
1. joey.
thank you and goodnight.
* ryry, you can email me your answers, but make it snappy.
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10.17.2005
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traitor joe's
on sunday i decided i should start shopping at trader joe's. their prices are great, their selection is a nice alternative to the big supermarkets, and it's not too far from my apartment.
so i go there and i fill a basket full of food and i head towards the front of the store to check out. i pick the line that i think is moving the quickest, which inevitably ends up being the slowest line, and i stand in it. the person in front of me is this annoying girl who is yapping on her treo about how wasted she got the night before, and in my mind i am damning her to eternal hell.
while the cashier is scanning her food, treo girl runs over to the liquor shelf and picked up a bottle of vodka and says, "what's the total? i may have to run out to my car to get my credit card."
i continue the internal damnation while she runs to her car.
when she returns, she's out of breath and embarrassed that she left her credit cards at home. she promises to return but doesn't want to have to re-shop, so she begs the girl to hold her merchandise in the back until she returns. it's at this point that i'm balls out chastising this girl in my mind. what kind of fucking dumbass doesn't bring some form of payment for their groceries?
it was mere moments later, just before the cashier began ringing up my purchase, as i searched feverishly in my purse for my credit card holder, that i realized that i, ms. dana j. robinson, was indeed that very brand of fucking dumbass.
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