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9.30.2003
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who's crazy now?
i work in a building that is the home of several types of offices. there is our office, a children's nonprofit organization, there's the office for starving students, a moving company, and then there are lots of smaller offices where psychologists see patients. our floor consists exclusively of the shrinks and us. so basically, if there's someone in the hallway that doesn't look familiar, it's probably someone who has some issues.
ok, don't get me wrong...i understand that plenty of everyday people see therapists to normalize their shit and address their issues in a one hour block of time so they can be sane during the rest of their week. i get that. that's fine. great, in fact. but we all know that there are some seriously crazy people out there who appear to function normally but are raging piles of insanity on the inside. these are the people who see their doctors multiple times weekly and these are the people who are starting to look familiar to me in the hallways.
i usually run into one such individual at the elevator. sometimes i'll be alone, sometimes i'll be with a co-worker. regardless, whenever i encounter this guy, i usually say or have just said something totally retarded and embarrassing. example: my co-worker plutarco and i were talking about his new shirt and he said he was in an elevator once and this guy told him how much he liked his shirt. so i said "ooh la la, did you get his digits? sounds hotttt!" then i look up and crazy elevator man is laughing. he's laughing like he wants to be our friend, but we don't know him. he's laughing like he's actually part of our conversation. so plutarco looks at me and i look at him and i uncomfortably say, "well, did you?" as we exited the elevator.
deciding to forget about that uncomfortable exchange, i got into my car and left the parking garage. our exit is in an alleyway, so it's always a little dodgy getting out to the street. just as i'm about to turn onto the main road, i slam on my brakes to avoid hitting some guy who deemed it a good idea to walk in front of a moving vehicle. i'm sure you already know who this guy is but i'll tell you anyway. that's right...it's crazy man. i just almost ran over crazy elevator man. i sort of wave it off and go about my business, making a mental note not to use the elevator at that time again.
never again until the next time i encountered him, anyway.
last night another co-worker and i were heading out for the evening. i was in my gym clothes and julie was in her street clothes. as we walked to the elevator she said, "you know, just seeing you in your gym clothes makes me feel guilty." and i grab a bit of the ol' spare tire hiding under my shirt and say, "don't worry...not working out regularly for the past 2 months has my workout pants cutting right into this gut." at this exact moment we not only arrive at the elevator, but i look up and see crazy elevator man laughing again. and this time he said, "don't worry...i'll just pretend like i didn't hear that."
so i look at julie as if crazy elevator man isn't standing there laughing at me and i say, "yeah, so as i was saying...don't feel guilty, i have some catching up to do." and crazy elevator man is still laughing. then he asks us where we work and we vaguely answer and for the next few moments there's a bit of awkward silence until julie and i hastily exit the elevator and i tell her the story about plutarco and the near-accident and we laugh and laugh and make mean jokes about crazy people.
i was still laughing, in fact, moments later as i pulled out of the parking garage when i slammed on the breaks to avoid hitting... right again! ... CRAZY ELEVATOR MAN.
stay tuned. something is clearly up. me and crazy elevator man have some sort of nutty connection, and i'm determined to get to the bottom of it. maybe he's stalking me? maybe he has some crazy death wish, and i'm his chosen black angel. maybe...just maybe...he's part of some big government conspiracy designed to get me to stop making stupid jokes in elevators. whatever the case, here's to hoping i don't run him over in the meantime.
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9.27.2003
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happy birthday, sweets. enjoy your trip.
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9.10.2003
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skampgirl: i owe you a drink.
sbchrishenry: right on!
skampgirl: a drink of water.
sbchrishenry: shit...
sbchrishenry: i want the good stuff!
skampgirl: filtered?
sbchrishenry: yes, please.
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9.8.2003
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metapost
these are my answers to becca's little pseudo-survey questions, which she apparently posted because she was inspired by something she read here, which is probably something i posted because of something she posted there, which was probably something she posted because of something i posted here. and et cetera. and so on. and so forth.
i am afraid of: needles, needlers and those who are needy
i am phobic of : outerspace and the ocean and other such things that feel infinite and therefore intangible
i am allergic to: tylenol, pollen and baby carrots make my mouth and lips itchy/burny but adult carrots are fine
i give money to: everyone and everything except my savings account
if childhood was a sitcom/movie it would be titled: "Eight Cookies is Enough, Fat Albert!"
if i could change my name, it would be: gpaul (pronounced "bob"... the 'g' is silent)
my favorite pair of pointy toe shoes is: bcbg
my favorite pair of non-pointy toe shoes is: flip-to-the-flops
i am addicted to: carbs, pain killers, friendster, procrastination and breathing
i am trying to quit: breathing. jk. carbs would be good.
if i was a fruit, i would be: on queer eye for the straight guy
if i was a tomato, i would be: killer and attacking a city near you
i can play: scrabble, t-ball and innocent
my nationalities are: dutch and/or korean
last vacation was to: the grotto
next vacation is to: columbus, ohio aka ryrymegville
i currently work: out... that's a lie. but my gut is telling me i should start again.
i currently drive: people crazy
i am currently wearing: jeans and something black
this week, i plan to: eat less and drink more
i am: not going to answer this question.
i can: answer this one, though.
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