7.31.2001
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the other day i was listening to npr in the bathroom because my office building pumps weta's npr throughout the hallways and into the bathrooms for some strange reason. so anyway, while i was in the potty i was listening to 'fresh air' (oddly ironic, that) and they were discussing the big $300/$500/$600 tax break many american's will be receiving in the next few months.apparently home depot did some rather extensive market research and feels that the majority of americans are going to be spending their whopping $300/$500/$600 on home improvements. home depot is launching an ad campaign appropriately targeting this demographic. sears, on the other hand, did some similarly extensive market research and found that most people would not be spending their fatty government-issued checks in their stores and will not, consequently, be doing any advertising to encourage people to spend their tax breaks therein.
i, however, will be getting $300 sometime during the week of august 6, they tell me. i don't own a home, so i don't exactly have anything to improve there. i don't really shop at sears. did anyone do any research on the things i tend to purchase with such generous winfalls? shouldn't ace pear cider or sapporo japanese beer be looking at my spending habits and do some sort of ad campaign to encourage more purchases on that front?
i'm under the impression that people are going to go slightly nuts with their tax break cash money. i think alcohol makers and vendors, drug producers and dealers, music makers and merchants should definitely be out in the streets doing something about all this potential for profit.
or, of course, you could always be a do-gooder and spend your money here.
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7.26.2001
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i'm all moved into my new place except for:
- television
- chair
- tampons
- vodka
so, everything but the essentials, really.
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7.18.2001
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there's nothing i forgot
i left that paper heart where it belonged
who it belonged to i never knew
paper burns and my heart melts when i tear at you
the kristin hersh show was pretty amazing and it kept reminding me of everything plus everything else.
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7.14.2001
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once i flew to england. after i flew to england, i spent some time there and then as is usually the case with vacations, i had to fly back home. while i was in the airport waiting for the boarding to start, i looked up and saw this girl i knew.
now, this girl and i had some history. she was the ex-girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend. furthermore, one late, late night i confessed to her an extremely private secret that i hadn't told any other person in the world. double furthermore, she lived in the town i had recently abandoned because of some issues i had with a psycho roommate and i didn't want word of my whereabouts to get back to that pseudo-stalker girl.
so when i looked up from my book and caught her eye, i immediately froze. i didn't know if i should say hello or if i should just wave or if i should ignore her completely. so i smiled and waited to see what her next action would be. she smiled and waved and came over and said hello. we exchanged pleasantries and talked about nothing in particular.
it ended up being a really nice chat and i am glad i didn't give her the brush-off. i think it's times like those that make me realize that a little friendliness goes a long way to avoid making me look like a complete fucking asshole.
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7.10.2001
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i think ben summed it up best with, "wow...either she is really poor or she is a really bad kisser."
you know ben, in my experience, if it's not one it's always the other.
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7.5.2001
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growing up in a family full of smartasses taught me a few things. first of all, comedy is a great defense mechanism. it allows a person to brush off otherwise embarrassing or foolish moments in one's life.
for example:
"oh my god, i have a huge crush on you and have for some time now. you're so cute and we have this great bond and if i'm at all perceptive i think you really like me as well."
"oh dana, i thought you knew...i'm gay."
"yeah, i know...that's why i signed up for a sex-change operation this morning. ahem."
secondly, silence is consent. if you don't speak up for yourself, you're bound to be misinterpreted or just forgotten completely because unless you clarify your opinions, other people will assume that they know what you're thinking.
for instance:
"well, i know i love bananas dipped in dry tang, and dana sees me eating bananas dipped in dry tang all the time and doesn't say how gross she might think it is, so she must really like it. i think i'll make her an entire plate filled with bananas dipped in dry tang for a snack."
so, these two lessons really go together quite nicely. you see, in the second scenario, because i didn't let my cousin melony know how disgusted i was by bananas dipped in dry tang, that's what she brought me as a snack. unfortunately, i still didn't tell her how much i hated them and so she smashed one of them in her hand and let the banana/tang concoction ooze out of the cracks between her fingers and moments later i found myself vomiting in her livingroom.
however, had i implemented lesson number one into lesson number two, i could have avoided puking all together and simply said, "melony, while i'd love to try one of your bananas dipped in tang, i'm afraid that moments later you might find me vomiting in your livingroom." see, now that's funny and it spares melony's feelings AND the livingroom carpet. and we all know how important things like feelings and carpet really are.
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7.3.2001
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when water falls in drops from the sky, water might as well be falling in large quanities from the same sky. here's to filling up one's dance card.
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7.2.2001
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oh, and in case your day is going poorly, i thought i'd just let you know that a pigeon crapped on me this morning. and it wasn't like one lump sum deposited onto my head or something. it was like a spray of pigeon crap to be sure that at least some of it would land on me. and some of it did. and eew. gross.
that said, i hope your own day feels a little less shitty now that you know about mine.
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