3.31.2001
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it's my theory that nick and andy have a similar thing going on as michael and latoya jackson. you know, aren't they actually the same person? i mean, has anyone actually seen them in the same room at the same time? and if you answered yes to that question like i just did, aren't you starting to wonder about the trickery involved with smoke and mirrors? 3-d video imagery?i sense conspiracy. something's rotten in denmark.
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my mail server is down. my sitemeter isn't working properly. it's cloudy outside. my stomach hurts. today someone told me that in the old days, people used to go outside. he says that if you look really hard you can still see the sun. i'm not so sure i trust his opinion. the sun i've come to know just isn't honest. i think the only thing i can really believe in today is the purple george foreman imac grill in my kitchen. and this pineapple i'm eating. so the only things i can really believe in today are the purple george foreman imac grill in my kitchen and this pineapple that i'm eating. and my bumble and bumble seaweed conditioner. ok, so now really the only things i can believe in today are the purple george foreman imac grill in my kitchen, this pineapple that i'm eating, and my bumble and bumble seaweed conditioner. and this ... oh, nevermind.
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3.30.2001
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i have this problem. my heart is crazy. my heart is crazy and it's on fire and it goes and goes and goes and goes some more. and the speed! it's incredible! we're talking speeds of 130 bpm here. it keeps me awake at night. it doesn't give me any peace. it reminds me on a very regular basis that i am alive and sometimes maybe even a little too alive. this heart of mine...i'm starting to think something's up.
you're probably thinking this is a metaphor for love. you'd be wrong. i'm just malfunctioning.
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3.29.2001
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keep your heads up and your eyes open for this most fantastic band. clamato.asp is a band that will rock the internet to its very core. clamato.asp's first album, http, isn't due out for awhile, but with such songs as whose underware are under there, |8|, when we learned about reciprocals and i've never tried spumoni but don't try to stop me, you'll want to be sure to snatch this gem of an album up as soon as it's released.
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3.28.2001
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it's like jell-o, only better. way better. it's what i like to call lunch.
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3.27.2001
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so it's nice to see that someone finally made one of my many brilliant dreams come true. i mean, come on...the pelican briefs? i am an amazing human being to have thought of this oh so clever idea. no no...really, the applause is too much. stop, please. you're embarassing me.
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all i want to do is cover an entire wall with white post-it notes. in the whole wide world, this is all i want to do.
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3.25.2001
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generally when there's a sad scene in a movie, it lasts 3 minutes or maybe 4...5 minutes tops. today i watched a movie where the entire last 20 minutes was as gut wrenching and tear jerking as it gets. and to think i thought i could just get up, grab a coke, and walk it off.
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3.24.2001
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too much color and no white space made dana a sad girl. also, losing posts to the blogger black hole. hmm.
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3.23.2001
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so ryan and i are converting what used to be our office into a fort. using nothing but dell computer boxes and our wish to have some privacy from our crazy co-workers, we built this thing. fort, fortress, hideout, sanctuary...we call it home.
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upon assessing my web habits in conjunction with my emotional situation, i've realized that i only read this when i either really like someone or when i think that really liking someone isn't going to work out so great. i just wish it wasn't always this one that speaks to me the loudest.
uh, thanks carl...i think.
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3.22.2001
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'and suddenly he is just about as vague as you can get, without being actually invisible.' - solex
and it's like i told him...other things that make me excited and happy are:
- jell-o, once it's congealed but not a second before
- perfect pear lipshine, but only at home while working
- plane trips, especially when someone else is involved
- body pillows, with high thread-count pillow cases
- beer, the kind that comes in bottles with foil or paper on the outside
- horoscopes, eerily accurate ones
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depressing is: applications: 118. jobs received: 0. happy is: freelance payments outstanding: 0. freelance payments received: 10.
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3.21.2001
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a day like today warrants a night at the bar. oofta.
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so last night i appeared in two peoples' dreams. in one i was pregnant and apparently happy about it and i don't remember what i was doing in the other one, but i know one thing's for sure: i wasn't reading a damned thing in either one. ha.
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3.20.2001
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please remind me to be calm. it's the patience and calmness that makes everything ok.
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3.19.2001
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this is what i do for a living. is this living?
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3.18.2001
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on your knees and ... pray? worship? repent?
pick a euphemism, any euphemism.
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3.17.2001
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how in the hell do i know about ok go?
anyway, now it's time for some lyrics from tonight's show:
well it's tough to have a crush
when the boy doesn't feel the same way you do
well it's tough to have a crush on you
and of course, then there was this:
not to put too fine a point on it
say i'm the only bee in your bonnet
build a little birdhouse in your soul.
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meg's right, i've totally copied her without trying or realizing. crap.
i suppose now would be an inappropriate time to bring up the fact that i own single white female on video, eh?
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so i was just munching away on what i considered to be a vegetarian egg roll. mmm, yum, this egg roll is rich and tasty, i thought happily. munching and munching and then wait! what are these little pink things? they appear to be bacon-y bac-os. could this be? could this supposed vegetarian egg roll contain pork-like products? worse yet, could this be a PORK EGG ROLL?
if you consider yourself an egg roll specialist, please respond quickly and let me know if i should confer with a stomach pump.
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overheard/self-deprecation?
i know, i know...i really hate ugly people, too.
overseen/ironic and timely?
an extremely unattractive girl wearing a shirt with the word 'cute' emblazoned across the chest.
and later...
when i got home the birds were chirping and it reminded me that today is a new day. but still, thank god i'm not hard on the eyes.
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3.16.2001
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i suppose this is where i talk about my super plus tampax tampon and how it's keeping me company right now.
it's good to know at least one thing per month is reliable. phew.
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if i have to wear the pants around here, you have to at least put on a shirt.
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for the record, i did not "hook up" with "anyone" in my "hotel room" thankyouverymuch.
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3.15.2001
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and for all those anal sex fans in the audience, have i got a line for you: once you go back, you never go back. ba-dum-bum.
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corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, modified wheat starch, flour, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, fruit juice from concentrate (apple, strawberry, watermelon, raspberry, cherry), less than 2% - citric acid, mono and diglycerides, malic acid, artificial and natural flavors, ascorbic acid, coloring (red 40, blue 1), acesulfame potassium.
this is apparently supposed to get my juices going. oh dear.
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yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's true what they say: when it rains it really does pour.
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3.14.2001
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pdf files and spreadsheets and pre-established contracts and negotiations and confirmations and you would think this means business but maybe it means pleasure and either way the two can mix and should, i might add.
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3.13.2001
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"hey baby...i wanna be your husband, but just for ten minutes. come on, i wanna be your husband. don't walk away like that, we've got a ten minute marriage to consummate."
in retrospect, my emotional breakdown later in the evening isn't so surprising.
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3.11.2001
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so i am apparently a .exe file. you know, a virus. you know, something a person might want to remove from his/her system. it's probably because of all that naked jacuzzi action.
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3.9.2001
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what do you get when you cross two bedrooms with two bathrooms with two walk-in closets with a full kitchen with a livingroom with a view that overlooks a terrace with three girls and maybe a boy?
i must be one charming mother fucker.
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3.7.2001
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this morning my health ride driver's name was lottie nero. despite the fact that i had no idea where i was going, i knew with lottie nero at the helm i was in good hands.
in other news, i'll be at sxsw this weekend and into next week. contact me if you need to.
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3.6.2001
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this orange...this orange is my salvation.
140 minutes worth of conference call...that is my hell.
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3.5.2001
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this morning i remembered a time when i met the mother of a person i knew. he warned me that she was low-income, but i didn't realize she'd look as poor as she was. it was the kind of poor that could embarrass a person for wearing clean socks, and unfortunately i'd done laundry the day before.
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3.4.2001
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last night someone asked if i'd rather be invisible or able to fly. i made my choice and everyone else in the room picked one or the other as well. the person who asked found our answers extremely interesting.
it wasn't until this morning that i found out what it means when a person chooses invisible.
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it's a sad day when a girl builds a shoddy table. a sad day, indeed.
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3.1.2001
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i'd finally reached dca and was ready to finally get on the metro in order to finally get home so that i might finally sleep in my own bed when something not exactly life-affirming happened. perhaps the opposite of life-affirming. perhaps death-affirming. i left the plane, entered the airport and saw a man holding a sign and wearing a big smile staring right at me.
"mrs. cohen?"
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